Bachelor Anyone?

I’ll admit it. I enjoy watching the Bachelor. Ok...enjoy is a bit of an understatement. In my defense, I don’t watch it to swoon over “the sexiest bachelor yet” which is what all 96 have them have been dubbed. I watch it for the same reason I can’t help but rubberneck while passing a horrible accident on the side of the road. That’s what each season of the Bachelor is...a perfect train wreck. Every episode provides a great range of emotions. There is always some bratty girl that makes your blood boil, someone that does something really dumb to make you roll on the ground with laughter, an awkward moment that makes you wonder if you can stomach one more episode, and my personal favorite, the “I just don’t understand what happened” soliloquy. Some soliloquies are filled with pearls of wisdom like Sarah from season 7’s unforgettable limo speech... “There is a huge prejudice and racist against beautiful people in this country...If only I had been uglier and less noticeable...” I doubt anything will be as priceless as that little pity party, but I keep watching in hopes that someday there will be. Last night was so good that I’m going to do a run down. We’ll just start with the self-proclaimed “Silly Hillary” and her one-on-one with Brad in the most beautiful city in the world (San Francisco). Silly Hillary isn’t so silly, she’s pretty smart...she figured out a game plan to ensure her a rose. She tried to be “Serious Hillary” and bawl her eyes out while she told Brad how much she wanted to be in love...and wouldn’t you know it, she wanted to be in love with him. On and on she went looking sillier and sillier. To my amazement, Brad didn’t seem all that irritated by the awkward waterworks. He ended up giving her the rose, after which the crying stopped immediately. Shocking, I know. Then they went to Ghirardelli Square (AKA my favorite place in the world) and followed up the awkward tear-fest with an awkward first kiss. Gross. The next day there is a group date where Kristy, the acupuncturist with the fake laugh, steers the sailboat with Brad...he later talks to the camera about her and uses the “F” word (Friend), so I thought she was done for. But, he ends up giving her a rose...right after Solisa (the one whose values and morals are the most important thing to her) gives Brad a lap dance.
Before the Rose Ceremony, we learn that Brad has an identical twin who is going to try and fool the girls and see who will notice that he is not Brad. I can only assume that this little fact is the whole reason that the producers chose Brad as the bachelor in the first place. They were really banking on this segment being dramatic. I thought it would end up being a bust because you can CLEARLY tell that Brad and Chad are not one and the same. They look really different for identical twins. Turns out, there were a few dummies that were actually fooled. I have to admit that it was amusing. Especially Lindsey the model...she had absolutely no clue whatsoever...even responding to him at one point “that’s what I love about you!” It was comical as it was ironic. Two of the three who didn’t recognize the difference got voted off...all three soliloquies were hilarious. Starting with Solisa’s (you know, the one with all the...morals). Not even knowing that Chad wasn’t Brad could save her this time. After she gets the boot she complains that she had a better connection with Brad than anyone and that she was open and honest because “He did see the very special parts of me because I wear those special parts on the outside...so it’s just that, those special parts weren’t parts that he was looking for unfortunately”. Sorry Solisa...maybe if those special parts were real (metaphoric or otherwise) then things would have turned out differently. Poor Sarah had to announce that she “honestly had no idea what went wrong”...this is just a wild guess Sarah, but I’m assuming it had something to do with you feeling more relaxed around Brad’s married twin brother than you did around him, and he watched it all from a van 12 yards away. Her excuse for not being able to tell Brad wasn’t Brad was that “He had his head down, I mean, he had a drink in his hand!”. Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. She starts off fairly level headed stating “I’m not going to sit here and cry over something that was not there”.... then she turns from the camera and proceeds to cry her eyes out.... while I proceeded to laugh until I was crying as well. I know; I’m a horrible person. I can’t help myself.